1. Fly to Alaska.*
2. Catch a 78-lb. halibut.*
3. Clean, freeze and ship halibut home.*
4. Buy housemade tortillas and sour cream from Charles Ball Sunfresh Market in Kansas City, Kansas.
5. Immediately get the fuck back to Missouri.
6. Marinate fish, then grill. Eat most of it.
7. Quickly stir-fry leftover fish, flaked, in a little oil with red onion, jalapeno and cumin.
8. Serve on tortillas with fresh salsa, cilantro, lime, cabbage and sour cream mixed with homemade dried red pepper sauce.
* – Sending your seven year-old son with his grandparents to do this part is strongly encouraged.