Les Bourgeois
Wine Cellar and Bistro
CC’s City Broiler
Columbia Star Dinner Train
Churchill’s 
Dinner at a movie at Uprise/Ragtag
44 Stone Public House
Kampai Alley
Jina Yoo’s

When the paste is perfectly dry, but not before, proceed to beat the pig violently with the handle of a large broom. If he squeals, beat him again.

Visit the paste and beat the pig alternately for some days, and ascertain if, at the end of that period, the whole is about to turn into Gosky Patties.

If it does not then, it never will; and in that case the pig may be let loose, and the whole process may be considered as finished.

Also this week, yet another ill-considered fast food social media campaign spiralled out of control. There was news from the world of “Idiots, Eating.” Time Magazine put the world’s greatest soccer player on the cover everywhere but here (where we’re expected to feast on more navel-gazing and psychobabble). Ray Hudson most likely disagrees with Time’s decision. Also, (a brilliant) somebody has determined the exact date of Ice Cube’s “Good Day” (h/t: Deadspin). And: God, that was twenty years ago? The Onion presents a new promotion at Arby’s. Finally, some Frenchies built a bunch of flying robots – flying robots THAT CAN BUILD A TOWER.

I was sitting in a booth at Texas Roadhouse tonight when this thought came to me, attempting to tune out the dozen or so flatscreen televisions, the blaring “jukebox,” the clapping, line-dancing waitstaff, the constant yelling (not singing, yelling) about this or that person’s birthday and focus – however briefly – on what the fuck was on my plate. It was impossible. The seven year-old was staring at something on tv – could’ve been SportsCenter, the North Carolina basketball game or the Iowa basketball game or any of half a dozen other things – and mindlessly shoveling chili into his mouth. The four year-old – who cannot hear anything right now and is getting tubes next week as a result – was complaining about the noise. My wife an I were just working our way through our steaks, occasionally yelling this or that fragment of conversation at each other.

About those steaks. They’re not awful. Mine – a ribeye – was seasoned with no more than salt and pepper (fine by me) and arrived medium rare, as ordered. It was serviceable. The ribs, which they inform you upfront are dreadfully overcooked, really are dreadfully overcooked. So too the broccoli and machined carrots that came alongside. The “Texas Red Chili” has beans but no heat and seems to only have been seasoned as an afterthought, perhaps even on the way to the table. The most interesting venture is the cinnamon-spiked butter that comes out with the rolls as diners are seated.

Our service was unimpeachable. Matthew, as promised, “took care of us,” filling water glasses, quickly delivering the bill and generally proving entirely less douchey than the surroundings might suggest. He was a keeper.

So maybe I should give the place credit for being exactly what it says it is. It’s not like they promised subtlety or anything (“Legendary Margaritas!” “Legendary Bar!” “Legendary Spirits!”). It’s not a restaurant, it’s a circus with steaks. Steaks and enough neon, noise and cheer to keep you distracted while you amble through their instantly-forgotten food. And naturally, it’s packed to the rafters.

Texas Roadhouse
2005 West Worley Street
Columbia, MO 65203
Phone: 573-445-5910

We will have fresh sausage available Tuesday (7-3), Wednesday (7-12) and Thursday (7-3).  Sausage will still be available after Thursday but will be frozen. After this week we will be available normal school hours of operations Monday through Friday, 7-3 for product purchase (It is always best to check with the kitchen before coming out – 573-214-3158)

Also mark your calendars for our Mardi Gras Lunch on February 21^st; we will be serving from 10:50 to 1:10 at Rock Bridge in front of the planetarium.  We will have our sausages available for sale as well as quarts of our gumbo and other products from the lunch.  More Mardi Gras details in early February.

Here are descriptions of our fresh and cured sausage currently available.

We are also going to try to keep a site up-to-date with our current products for sale.

caccculinary.blogspot.com

Andouille – $6/lb

Spicy heavily smoked Cajun sausage made with Pork, Jalapenos, Onions and Garlic – Great for use in any dish with sausage, especially Cajun; Gumbo, Jambalaya, Red Beans and Rice or by itself grilled. Stuffed in 1.75 inch Hog Casings – Links sold in 1.25 to 1.5 lb packages (fully cooked, smoked)

Cajun Boudin Blanc – $6/lb

Mild Pork and Rice based sausage with Onions and Green Bell Peppers – Great browned with butter in a pan. Stuffed in 1.75 inch Hog Casings – Links sold in 1.25 to 1.5 lb packages (fully cooked, steamed)

Mexican Chorizo – $6/lb

Mildly Spicy sausage made with pork and seasoned heavily with Paprika and herbs. – Great for use in any Hispanic dish. Stuffed in 1.25 inch Hog Casings – Links sold in 1.25 to 1.5 lb packages (fully cooked, roasted)

Italian Sausage – $6/lb

Mild Pork sausage seasoned with fennel seeds and a small amount of red pepper flakes – great for tomato sauces. Stuffed in 1.25 inch Hog Casings – Links sold in 1.25 to 1.5 lb packages (fully cooked, roasted) – also available for $5/lb in bulk sold in 1 lb packages

Tasso Ham – $6/lb

Highly spiced and flavorful cured smoked pork steaks. Great addition to Cajun or other dishes – sold whole pieces for $6/lb

 

Breakfast Sausage (Mild and Spicy available) – $5/lb

Pork sausage flavored with sage and other herbs and spices.  Great for sausage gravy or to make into sausage patties for breakfast- available for $5/lb in bulk sold in 1 lb packages

 

Cured Sausages Available

 

Spanish Chorizo

Dry aged spiced Spanish sausage heavily spiced with paprika, Ancho chilies, cayenne and garlic.  Great thinly sliced and eaten alone, or with cheese – sold whole pieces for $15/lb or sliced for $5 a ¼ lb package.

 

Pepperoni

Dry aged then smoked spiced Italian sausage with red wine and garlic.  Great thinly sliced and eaten alone, on a sandwich, with cheese or on a pizza – sold whole pieces for $15/lb or sliced for $5 a ¼ lb package.

Most of the time, that’s okay – maybe even a good thing. But when you’re in the mood for something a little more mature, your choices can be a little slim. So as we approach Valentine’s Day – and with it the attending and quite fraught question of where to dine* that night – let’s take stock of our more intimate, romantic venues. What constitutes romantic varies from person to person, of course, but for the sake of discussion let’s go with the following attributes:

Refined, well-executed food. Attractive setting. Moderate to low noise. Efficient, unobtrusive service. Bonus points for a view.

I have some ideas of my own, but I’m more interested in what you all might come up with. What are Columbia’s more romantic dining settings? Post your nominees in comments below and I’ll dish on my favorites Friday morning on 1400 KFRU at 9:15 am.

* The most romantic setting of all is, of course, a nice dinner in your own home (and sans rugrats). But let’s stick to restaurants for the sake of discussion.

In other news:

Paula Deen continued to be controversial, while other chefs wrote about Southern food that doesn’t suck. The Root Cellar has fresh Country Neighbors chickens for sale (we’re on day four of meals off of two chickens…post next week). CoMo Whine and Dine will only order steak at one restaurant. Gerard Craft wonders if pasta is too low-end for fine-dining. One guy has a good idea for ending the during-dinner phone addiction. Mrs. SMEs came upon some food-related artwork on a work trip recently, and liked. Aldon Smith: former Tiger, standout NFL rookie, cook.

Finally, your deep thought for the weekend: dark matter rules the universe:

Everything we know and love–electrons, protons, neutrons, light, black holes, planets, stars, everything we know and understand–occupies four percent of the universe. Dark matter and dark energy is everything else.

One thing that became evident in the tasting is that the chefs were dealing with conventional, CAFO-raised pork, the hallmarks of which are whiter meat, a tendency to dry out easily and – absent brining and marinating – less flavor than their counterparts on real farms (like Greystone, JJR and especially, Newman Farm). I won’t get into the merits here too much, but the differences are worth acknowledging.

Note: We were scoring on appearance, taste, originality and repeatability (recipes that would be suitable in a busy restaurant kitchen), with taste being the most heavily-weighted.

Here we go…

Bangkok Peanut Pork Tenderloin, Couscous with Pignolis and Chicharrones
Chef Steve Henderson
Hy-Vee, Conley Road

Peanut-flavored applesauce on grilled pork loin. Couscous and fried pork rinds competing for most random accompaniment. It was cooked correctly, but I really don’t know what was going on here. Not a fan.

Trotter Cigars and Consommé on the Rocks
Trey Quinlan
Red and Moe

Trey tends to get a little “out there” with his contest entries, but this one takes the cake. A cigar of trotter molé sauce on an aspic “ashtray,” atop an encyclopedia with a glass of pork consommé “on the rocks” (ie, knuckle bones). It looked prettier in real life, and was fun. I actually thought it worked pretty well – it came in fourth on my ballot – but the other judges were less impressed.

More after the jump.

Crispy Slow-Cooked Suckling Pig, Vanilla Sage Demi-Glace, Parmesan Parsnips, Persimmons and Watercress
Ben Parks
Bleu Restaurant and Wine Bar

This one was really close to placing. I loved the skin on the pork, the parsnip puree and the persimmons were a particularly fine touch. But the layers of fat in the pork – which had been cooked sous vide for two days – still hadn’t broken down (or had set again after cooling). I love pork fat, but the temperature has to be just right. Here it wasn’t. Otherwise, this would’ve been in the running.

Tres vias de carne de cerdo (Pork Three Ways)

Grilled Bacon Wrapped Piquant Peppers stuffed with Boursin Cheese and Slow Cooked Pork
Traditional Pork Carnitas served with Pickled Cabbage, Smoked Tomato Relish atop a Tortilla finished with Queso Fresca
Braised Pork and Sweet Onion Tort, finished with a Green Apple and Mango Chutney
Chef Peter Hawkins
Grand Cru Restaurant

After the scores were turned in we heard the chef had had a family emergency and that the dish had been prepared by a stand-in, so I’ll refrain from fully describing my reaction to this. It was pretty bad.

Side of Pork Duo: Chianti Braised Belly and Crispy Pancetta with Saffron Polenta, Caramelized Leeks and Blood Orange Gastrique
Chef Bryan Maness
Broadway Brewery

This one won a lot of points on appearance, but suffered also from the fat of the pork belly not softening up enough. The polenta was a little heavier on the saffron than I would have preferred, but nicely crisped. Leeks and pancetta were excellent. If only that belly had been meltingly tender…

• Twinkie-frying self-parody Paula Deen has developed Type-2 diabetes (as well as, naturally, a detailed plan for making a buck off of it).
• Columbia businesspeeps are hoping to graft additional awesome onto our downtown for SEC football. (Aside: I applaud the effort, but wonder if this will come off as more contrived or less contrived than the City Hall keyhole statue. My guess is that Tiger Town in The District^TM will take the early lead, but then the statue will sprout speakers and play Lee Greenwood tunes 24-7, thus ending the competition forever.)
• Dogfish Head’s Sam Calagione wants (some) beer geeks to chill the eff out.
• Raw kale can make a wicked, do-ahead salad.
• Chuck Norris walks among us.
• Mid-Missouri Restaurant Week is coming up starting today. Surprise!!! Go to this website to learn almost nothing more about the event.

In case you missed it, Marcia’s cover story this week was on eating healthier. Lots of greens and whatnot. The harvest squash bowl at Broadway Brewery looks particularly awesome. Enjoy the weekend and eat well.

First off, it’s much, much easier to eat healthy when cooking at home. Restaurants often fortify their dishes with extra butter and salt – more than you’d likely add at home (and often tastes better for it). You’re also less in control of portion size when dining out. It takes more willpower to stop eating and ask for the to-go box than to just serve yourself less at home.

Still, healthy is out there. Here are a few picks for places and dishes that’ll give you a better chance of sticking to your resolutions. It’s a short list and I have a selfish motive for asking for other recommendations: I’m looking to drop a few pounds myself. Anyway, here goes.

At: Main Squeeze Cafe
Try the: Buddha Bowl

At: International Cafe
Try the: Red lentil soup and hummus

At: Addison’s
Try the: Black Bean and Thai Peanut Wrap

At: Red and Moe
Try the: Pizzas, fresh pastas, small plates

At: Broadway Brewery
Try the: Polenta Plate, Summer Vegetable Sandwich, Curried Apple Chicken Salad

The Healty(ish) Splurge:
At: Cafe Berlin
Try the: The Starving Artist

(Note: judging was completely blind)

1st Place
Pork Belly Shiitake Pie with Chestnuts, Apples and Roasted Grapes
Chef Patrick Wilson
Churchill’s

As you can see, this pot pie came out looking burnt. Lost some appearance points there. But once inside, it was nothing but tender pork belly and creamy shiitake mushrooms. It was rich, but comforting and nicely cut with green apple and endive and roasted, peeled grapes. It really worked. And that crust? The chestnut flour in the recipe probably made it look more well-done than it really was. I’d order this at a restaurant, and had it at second place on my ballot. Also, Churchill’s is still open. This KOMU piece from last night serves as a nice profile of Chef Wilson.

Places two and three after the jump.

2nd Place
“Pork and Beans”
Herb Roasted Irish Pork Loin (whole belly and whole loin), Mashed
Buttered White Beans, Caramelized Brussels Sprouts, Fennel Pollen
Candied Walnuts, and Darjeeling Pear Cider Reduction
Chef Adam Wells-Morgan
The Club at Old Hawthorne

It’s possible that I was growing weary of pork belly at this point in the contest, but this dish – essentially porchetta – didn’t place in my top three. The other judges quite liked it. I found the meat wildly inconsistent in terms of doneness and the beans were a little dreary. There was likewise very little going on with the Brussels sprouts, though the candied nuts were nice.

3rd Place
Minestrone Soup with Sausage and Malfatti
Chef Dennis Clay
Les Bourgeois Vineyards

This was numero uno for me, and not by a little bit. In contests like this it’s the attention to detail that wins the day. Here we have truly amazing Italian sausage and even better braised greens. The broth, which we poured over the dish at the judge’s table, was similarly pitch-perfect in execution. I liked the pasta better than my counterparts, who felt it too thick, too chewy and just plain taking up too much of the plate. I could’ve done with less as well, but when everything else is this good, I say let it slide. If Chef Clay puts this on the Les Bourgeois menu I’ll be the first one at the door.

The rest of the entries to follow later in part II.